v day and bday preps

Happy valentines day all!!!!!!!!

today i've been productive, i've written a th valentines fic that i'll post here later and i have made a very short but i hope good wish list for my birthday. i've given it to my father earlier and i hope he gets his ass around to give me something from it.

wish list for mybdayCollapse )

I hope that my stepmum buys me the satinsheets they use as they're wonderful and tons better than the ones i can aford for myself. I also put out a hint that i'd be a happy gal if someone could find somewhere online to get me leverage..... my uncle is good at that type of thing so i hope my dad has sense to ask.

further to say that the vid i linked in my last post is not working on youtube but if you ask i'll send it to you it is the only vid i ever made that i'm happy withso i'm a bit more than anoyed that i can't have it on youtube....

so lots of love on this valentines day!
  • Current Music
    more than i deserve - christian kane

movies, fun, talks and remember to not eat me when i'm ground meet at the deli

so yesterday was great as expected, right now i'm at annas job while she works a little, anyway i'm feeling strangly awake, then it is 11 and i was up at 7 so yeah either way we're watching the dark knight tonight which i expect will be great  i mean it is nominated for atleast one oscar and since when are batman moves nominated for oscars???
now i'm gonna go snoop through ff.net for some fun fics and i recomend you all to read the cookiefic on thf!
mats says to remind everyone that you shouldn't eat me if i get sold as groundmeet at the lokal deli and or tairesturant.  so keep a weathered eye out!

  • Current Mood
    hot hot


right now i'm at annas place big freaking YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me and her is gonna overindulge on movies and snacks and sleep and just talking, god knows i've missed it. Martielle called she say she heard i was more happy already... it's a shame it only lasts until monday morning...
adding to it all i am mostlikely gonna be called to an interview next week!!!!!! it might be the breakthrough i need so cross your fingers.... *crosses mine*
i'm tryinbg to figure out how to raise founding for thefarm/ridingschool/playhouse mum works at, they're in dire needs so if you know about ANYTHING i'll try to make it real. 
lot of love, to all of you, pleaseleave a note??
cricketpoor aka malin

  • Current Music
    not good enough for truth or cliche - escape the fate

my home is back ars funky as that is

elle left today, and i'm both sad and relived in different ways, i mean i love my little sis but now i get to be me again, i got to be up and hang out with my mum and i got to clean, my room is going to be lovely tomorrow when my stepdad has the thingies to make the vaccumcleaner work. it was sooo good to clean!dumdum and gusti helped me, or rather dumdum helped and gusti was in the way.... so my bed is made and i have washed a quadrillion sheets and tomorrow i'm going runing, and life is good, if you don't cout the part that misses elle.... but still things are working out in the way i want them to, i hope.... now lets see if my mums old landlord has an apartment for me. i mean the time of wonders is yet to pass and all so maybe i can afford it!!!!
  • Current Music
    poision - alice cooper

hopefully hopless

we shall not cease from exploration
and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time

                      -T.S Elliot

i'm currently talking homes with elle, yesterday wasn't a lot of fun as she didn't do a lot bt be sad all day..... well we slept through the visit of the hoirrid family....

today i really wanted to do something fun, but elle didn't want to do anything so no go, so that is my last day with elle, watching her long for the comp.... fun huh?

Elle if you're reading this do NOT frwak out about the previous blog, it is exactly how i felt at the time but that don't mean it is the entire truth...

thanks to nna and lieuwke that cheered me up big time after my last rant. love you both.
  • Current Music
    if you were gay - avenue q

fucking servant

so today basiclly sucked monkey dick, i have been like a fucking servant all time marie has been here (but aparently they "try" and it hurts them that i bring up how much on the outside i am, or when i speak swedish to my family who are the only ones that seem to see me) i'm supposed to be there be ready when THEY chose to and i'm supposed to make food for them or run erands, and then they are shocked that i am bitter. my god i feel like life is being pulled out of my body everytime they do that bubble thing that some couples do you know that thing that makes it clear to stay the fuck away, without words. they both know that i hate to be alone but it seem not to bother them to even say something before going off to be in their no MY bed room for fucking HOURS without acnoledging my existens until they are hungry and need food. today has been really bad and tomorrow will be worse and i'm not sure i can take it. i feel lim,e the medival servant that is supposed to be there but not be seen that is only there at the whim of the master couple. i have felt it for days. and it all seems so pointless i get no joy out of them being here, they ruined everything i loved about my new room and i can't say anything cause it hurts them to hear it cause they are really trying to include me or so they say, if this is really trying i hate to see what they would do if they didn't cause i have NEVER felt this outside of everything not even last summer which is saying something, i just miss my friends and i want my sister back i want to be able to talk to them make them see but i can't cause everytime i try i get the fucking guilt card, do they honestly think i want to hurt them? can they really blame me for talking to my family when they will sit in silence and see me almost cry at the kitchen table being so left out? what do i have to do to be good enough? to be seen and heard without being snarky or perverted or anoying i just want to be me but they don't see me, they only see me when i annoy themi feel like i can't do it anymore i just wnat to scream and rant and rage but how can i how can i be the one haven't i deserved any respect at all? i didn't invite them here to be a maid and watch tem in my room if they even let me in through the door, i invited my friends over, my little sister and her girlfriend, and it is all so fucked up now i am not sure i can take to meet them this summer as i had planed, not if it is gonna be even half of this. i want me friends, i want anna to cheer me up and i want a cuddle and a movie without somemone making out loudly through all of it, i want this week to start over, i want nice memories instead of this. but i can't have that i can only listen to their happiness and know i'm not worthy. so why bother they know i'm siting alone in the next room and they don't even pretend that they care unless they want something. i'm gonna see if i have tears left and cry my self to sleep now.
  • Current Music
    not good enough for truth or cliche - escape the fate
  • Tags

(no subject)

What if you had a baby with the last person you texted?
we would have serious issues I’m sure…

What are the chances of getting with the person you like?
I’m thinking like no way and well no FUCKING way

If your ex said they hate you, you'd say?
which of them? Well I don’t have had real relationships?

Name something you are doing next friday?
I have no fucking clue so why bother answere

What are your favourite colour(s)?
black, green and black

Anything you want to ask someone?
not really I usually ask right away, maybe ask a certain someone if they wanna fuck me over the weekend

What are you excited about?
xmas, but really I’m looking forward to trainhop this summer, I’m gonna be wasted for weeks lolz

Do you drink bottled water?
yes only as I hate the tastelessness of tapwater it sucks arse

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
i will get killed by sis if I say I dunno so I say yes although I think I haver little baring on what happens in the world of others but sis claim I changed her life so I believe her

miss congeniality 1 and 2

Phone call:
halebop my cellphone delivery people

CD Played:
Tokio Hotel

Time You Cried:
this summer

Been Cheated on:

Just lets say that she wasn’t in my life a second longer than those words took coming out of her mouth

Lost Someone:
by death yes but even those that dine in hades is with us in spirit so

Thrown up when drunk:
not recently… not in like over 6 years and the reson I did it in the first place was moonshine

Laughed until you cried:
yes I have

Do You Believe in love at first sight?
no I don’t bellive I  fairytales or the easter bunny either… thanks for asking, I do however bellive in lust at first sight

Is your bed against more than one of your walls?
well yeah

Have you ever been attracted to someone's parent?
define atracted

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours?
indeed I have

Have you kissed any friends on your top friends?

would you ever become a vegetarian?
npe I couldn’t live without chickensallad and I think being a veggie for animal rights is pretty dumb, I have seen the life quality of animals that get slaughtered for food and trust me they have it great, try bering a carrot for a change

Who was the last person you hugged?

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
where the fuck is my cellphone and who the fuck is calling????

What was the last thing to make you laugh?
a gayguy on tv

How many people are you texting?
13 but none at this second

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
dunno we’ll see

Was it a boy or a girl to call you last?
computer do they count?

How many letters are in your last name?


When was the last time you hid?
this morning mum had elle kick me out of bed and make food

Are you any good at maths?

what are you listening to?
elle talking and my cat snoring

Name a person that you instantly smile when you see them?
lots of people, in dofferent ways, just like I sometimes want to hide from them all….

Is your current relationship status simple or complicated?
simply nonexisting

Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?

Noooooooooo I wanna get laid and go clubbing… I’ll drag elle and marie with me… for the clubbing not the other part, that I can do by myself lol

Have you ever liked someone way older than you?
my first boy fuck was 11 years older than me…. That answere your question?

Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheer leader?
for a few horrifying weeks yeah,…

What does the last text message you got say?
Who is it from?
”Ditt kontantkort har laddats med 100.00 kronor.
Nytt saldo finner du genom att ringa 149 eller *101# för information om priser se www.halebop.se” from halebop

Are you wearing bottoms?
jeans, I’d sleep in them but that is just nasty

Do you think boys truly understand girls ?
gay guys do, but really who understand girls? Not me and I am one

What was the last picture text message you got?
naked pic of a friend of mine, verrrrrrrry nice

Are you happy right now?
why wouldn’t I be stars is here… well there is the getting laid thing but beside that yeah

Any plans for tomorrow?
go outdoors, clean move como, wallpaper avoid brother and fiancée hide???

Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?
no, I usually show it instead, people seem to take a fist in the face more serious than words

What' s on your mind right now?

Blankness… sex… blankness… sister… bad jokes… x,mas… blankness

Best thing to eat for break fast?
smothie on lime and oranges

Have you ever kissed any of your top friends?
still no…

Are you dating the very last person you kissed on the lips?
no… not the one I kissed in “other” places either….

Do you always answer your phone ?
yes  or well uless I left it somewhere.. that does happen

How did your day go yesterday?
hectic but good

Do you sleep on your stomach?
side or back is better I snore if I sleep on my stomach….


dinner with the devil

poem, by me in december 2008

Have you ever felt as

The invitation turned to dust

The smirk on the faces has

Crumbled and turned to rust


The only place to go is now

The only place that do not

Burn so bright and just how

Did you pull that lot?


The host is serving poisoned darts

That delivers with a smile so kind

It goes straight to the heart

And you wounder just what is behind


That is when a reflection fall upon you

And blinking you realise just what

Happened and just how it happened too

The host is you and the trap is one you sat

Only for your self

  • Current Music
    back to back - pretty maids
  • Tags

new old dead

i worked all daytoday and i'm actually geting to sleep in my own bed tonight i'm supriced myself! before geting home we went into luleå to meet mums new horse he's a beauty i liked him... when we got home (with my stepdad that we picked up from the train) it was the same old son, about my paying for gas and scheisse... ended up in my room making a quick sketch that anoyed me at once so i wont keep it... i already singeled out a new owner for it though, supricingly it isn't stars whom i usually send stuff to but not this i got something else planed for her.

then the isue of mycat came up and i might have to put him down anyway even though he is doing sooo much better it made me upset, cause it isn't something i can fix it just i.... i think i'm gonna skip work tomorrow i'm having a headache anyway... but skiping means geting up and actually geting involved to do it.... ah well we'll see... i'm babysiting tomorrow nightwell mum is doing the work really i'm just gonna be at home and be here incase the kids wake up during the night..nt a hardship really...

i'm gonna writte something tonight i think... i'm in the mood for poetry or lyrics, but i think i'm just gonna kill of another character in a spectacular way... any ideas?

  • Current Music
    There's No Sympathy for the Dead - escape the fate